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Show Me Some Skin
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
Stupidity. We’re all guilty of it at one point or another and truthfully some of us would be out of a job if stupid people didn’t exist. My job is based on people who are so afraid of computer that they don’t know the first thing about it. These people were presented with a computer as if it were a foreign object that they’d never seen and were somehow expected to use. Most of these people consist of men and women in their mid forties who were working long before computers became a necessity and probably don’t own a computer of their own. These people are not the tinkerers who spend weekends fixing up their cars, or who install their home entertainment system. These are the people who either have someone else do that for them or find the product with the SIMPLEST instructions for fear that they can’t rely on their own intelligence to get them out of a certain situation. These are the people who hit the panic button when a toolbar goes missing in word, or their margins are incorrect. These people are about as computer illiterate as a bum on the street. Yet these people get paid tens of thousands of dollars to entire the data that they collect into a computer each day. I am amazed at the ability of these people to use a computer for several years and still not know the first thing about the programs they use for 70% of their work day. What also amazes me is their lack of desire to learn the first thing about their computer. These are the people who are under the false impression that owning a computer means never having to work to upkeep one. They don’t realize that sometimes the engine of their computer needs a metaphorical oil change just like their car (i.e. rebuilding the desktop on a Mac, or running a disk defrag on a pc). These people expect that their computer is some sort of living brain that can think and do work all on it’s own. I suspect that if that really was the case these computers would drag themselves by the mouse if they had to and get as far away from the idiots tapping at their keyboards as possible. Now I’m not saying that everyone should be a computer genius, lord knows I’m not, all I’m saying is that if you have to deal with something on a regular basis and it’s probably going to become a part of your life for as long as you live than make it a point to become acquainted with the damn thing. Try taking a class or reading a book, or even just looking through the damn thing sometime. Knowledge is power so arm yourself for battle. Don’t just sit there like some type of moron and scratch your head and tap keys praying that your computer will fix itself. Because while I’m happy to fix a problem for you I’ll warn you first it’s going to cost you……….
Friday, January 10, 2003
I’m waiting. I think that is an eternal statement. All of my life I’ve been waiting for something or someone. When I was in High School I was waiting to meet the right guy or to meet any guy that I could hold onto for more than a 6 month period. Hell in High School I was lucky if I made it to 3 months. I was also waiting to get the hell out of High School. I wanted nothing more than freedom from that place. I was happy when I got it. When I was in college I was waiting for excitement. I was the only gay person I knew on a very small campus of a very remote college located in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I waited until I had a chance to break free and did it at every chance I got. That’s why in my first year of College, I went to South Bend Indiana, Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, Chicago Illinois, and only went to class on the occasion because I was so depressed. When I moved back home and in my parents house I went to community college, and worked full time at a retail store in the mall that I was glad to be away from when I first went to college. I waited for opportunity, and I waited for the other shoe to drop. During the summer of my first year back I moved out of my house after a huge fight with my parents. I went to Saugatuck Michigan, for a weekend vacation, and moved to Ypsilanti with some of my friends. While there I became addicted to drugs, lost my job, and became a loser. Then I met Brett. Brett convinced me to move back in with my parents and to go back to college so that’s what I did. Brett was a saving grace for me at the time. I was so in love and everything was wonderful. Then Brett told me that he was moving back in with his parents in Ludington Michigan. I shattered for one night. The next day I called Brett back and told him that I wasn’t ready to end our relationship just because he was moving 3 hours away. So that was when I started my first long distance relationship. Everything was great. Then the other shoe dropped. Brett got busy, too busy to talk to me. I would call and call and he wouldn’t call me back. I finally sent him a letter and told him that I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life and that I wanted to be with him and that if he wanted to be with me all he’d have to do was write me back. I mailed the letter. Then I waited for a response that never came. Then I waited for my heart to heal. That took about a year. During that year I went through many painful discoveries about who I was and what I was about. Near the end of that year I got a job working with Electronic Data Services as a computer technician and found a boyfriend named Don. Don was a school teacher from Canada, and Don was also 36 years old. Don showed my how good and bad a relationship can be and taught me about little pleasures and tequila shots. We had some bad fights that stemmed from tequila which I am convinced is the devils blood (it makes me feisty and horny). We ended up breaking up. I had another personal tragedy happen about that time that I’ll save for another time. I waited to see what else God would throw my way. I started working out and moved out a second time. This was on much better terms than the first time. I moved in with my best friend Eric and his boyfriend John. I became a lot happier. Eric taught me to free myself from the negativity that surrounded me and Eric helped me find my spine. Eric also took me to New York for the first time. That’s where I met Mark. Mark was a good guy, and was just what I needed at the time. I remember how much fun I had flying between Detroit and New York. Mark and I only actually saw each other a total of 4 times during the time when we dated but they were fun. It was time to move on. I started stripping around that time, and waited to see what the reaction from my friends would be. Some encouraged me and some disapproved, but I found a new sense of myself. I became more confident. I had fun during that time of my life being single and spreading my wings. Then came Motorball. Motorball is Detroits own version of a circuit party. I volunteered to be a gogo boy at the event and helped setup and did a couple of charity events. I met some really incredible people and finally started to enjoy living in Detroit. Then came the actual night of Motorball and that’s when I met my current boyfriend. THE BOYFRIEND. I remember that I was showing all the other dancers where to get ready and he came up to me and told me that I was his. I waited for him to tell me that he was joking. He never did. We had a great time that night and promised that we’d call each other. I ended up calling him the next day. I waited to see if he’d remember me and he did. We’ve been dating ever since. It will be 9 months at the end of this month. You want to know what else. There’s only one thing I’m waiting for now, and that’s move down to Columbus so that I can be with him.
"I'm waiting and waiting for you, I'm right here and waiting for you" from Milk by Garbage
Thursday, January 09, 2003
I wrote this last night and thought that it would make a good post for today It’s funny what growing older does to you. I’m sitting right now in Starbucks in Novi, Michigan waiting for my friend Jill to get off of work. When I first came in I walked past a table where a girl and two boys sat. One of the boys stared at me the whole way past. These kids don’t look much older than 16. I think to myself as I look at this young and obviously gay kid how different we both are. If he even knew half of what I knew right now then he’d probably run away from me screaming. Instead what he sees is a kindred, another person that proves that he isn’t alone after all. He may find me attractive or he may not but his gaydar is going off like crazy even though I’m not being all that obvious and I haven’t spoken a word to him edge wise. He reminds me a little of me at that age. Still completely unaware of what really waited for me beyond High School but thinking at the time that I knew everything there was to know about life. So truthfully as sad as it sounds High School probably was the most carefree time in my life. It was when the promise of love and relationships still hadn’t been tainted by the actual reality that sometimes things don’t work out the way that we want them too, and that relationships actually involve compromise. High School for me was a fantasy land that one day I’d meet Prince Charming who would be a perfect man with no flaws whatsoever. The reality is that 3 years after my graduation I met a man from Columbus who’s 19 years my senior and was involved in the Adult film industry when I met him. Obviously this wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. However this turned out to be exactly what I needed. My boyfriend turned out to be one of the most loving and caring individuals that I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. Yes we had our hard times but those seem to be behind us at the moment and I couldn’t be happier. My boyfriend is supportive and caring. He encourages me to follow my dreams. In short he’s my number one fan. I won’t lie and say that we always have it perfect and I certainly won’t say that we’re the perfect couple but I will say this. There have been less mornings were I want to crawl back in bed and hide from the world since I met him, he also taught me to be appreciative of the body that I was given and learn how to improve what I didn’t like. I now hold my head just a little bit higher when I go out. I smile a lot more too. I’m not the same person I was when I met my boyfriend and for that I’m glad. While we’re certainly not the perfect couple we are a happy one and that is good enough for me.
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
Today I was thinking about music. I just uploaded Everything But the Girls missing remix. I just wanted to comment two things about this song. 1. Tracey Thorn has one of the most beautiful and enchanting voices I've ever heard 2. This remix was a huge hit for Everything But The Girl and made them decide to change their sound from a very accoustic format into a more electronic based sound. Lastly I decided to give you my 20 top albums of all time. Now when I say of all time I mean simply put I can't live without these albums, if I ever lose them I will immediately go out and rebuy them. These are albums that I've had to replace because they've been worn out.
20. 604 by Ladytron 19. Trickle by Olive 18. Retreat from the Sun by That Dog 17. Fumbling Towards Ecstacy by Sarah McLachlan 16. So Far... The Best of Sinead O'Conner by Sinead O'Conner 15. The Return of the Rentals by the Rentals 14. Elastica by Elastica 13. Rooty by The Basement Jaxx 12. The Best of Blondie by Blondie 11. Siamese Dream by The Smashing Pumpkins 10. Haunted by Poe 09.Bachelor #2 by Aimee Mann 08.To Bring You My Love by PJ Harvey 07. Navy Blues by Sloan 06.Exile in Guyville 05. When the Pawn by Fionna Apple 04. Gran Turismo by The Cardigans 03. Tempermental by Everything But The Girl 02. Behind the Music The Go-Gos by The Go-Gos 01. Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos There you have it. Just one quick note, these cd's aren't in any specific order. I love all types of music and would be extremely hard pressed to choose one album over another.
Tuesday, January 07, 2003
Sometimes I sit back and contemplate the events of my life and think Wow this is just the beginning. Other days I feel like it's the end. It's a very strange taffy pull that I'm going through right now. The highs are better but the lows are worse. It's interesting the way that somedays just fly by in the blink of an eye and others seem to drag on endlessly. I'm still trying to figure out were I'm going, but I'm happy where I am. I know three things 1. I want to move to Columbus to be with my boyfriend 2. I want to go back to college and get my degree in graphic design and 3. I want to live on my own for at least one year. Hopefully everyone who reads this blog will go with me on my exciting journey of moving from the state I've lived in my entire life, and going back to school as well as establishing myself in a semi new environment.
Monday, January 06, 2003
So today is Monday and the shit is piled high. Work is a mess, and I just found out that the whole license fiasco that I had back on October 28, is still not resolved. While I went to the effort of paying off the court, getting my license plates renewed, AND getting my address changed I wasn't made awaire of the fact the the police officer who pulled me over that night gave me ANOTHER ticket for an expired license plate. Now I apparently owe the court another $115.00 for that ticket which when explained at the time was supposed to be expunged from my record.GOD BLESS AMERICA. What this whole issue comes down to is that some idiot didn't do their damn paperwork and now I'm in a mess because of it. Isn't that peachy. Oh well that's life. I'm going to blog again when I'm in a better mood and hope to upload some cool pictures that I took this weekend. Thanks to everyone for listening to me bitch.
"You've got to have shitloads of M O N E Y, money" from Shitloads of money by Liz Phair
Sunday, January 05, 2003
Sigh, I'm such a perfectionist. My new title bar looks great except that the boxes are off center. I suppose I'll have to fix that but you all understand if I don't do it today. I think all those years of art class have made me anal retentive to little details like that. Oh well. I'm sitting here on Sunday waiting for my boyfriend to get back from the gym and just thinking about all the things that we've been through. We've had a very interesting relationship. It's had it's ups and downs but overall has been a great learning experience for the both of us. I just hope that we'll continue to grow as a couple and learn from each other. Life is good and that's my worry. Oh well I suppose I should try to be an optomist but life has had a weird way of discouraging me from doing that which is why I suppose I'm more of a cynisist instead.
"I'm so tired of playin', playin' with this bow and arrow, I'm gonna give my heart away, leave it for other girls to play" from Glory Box by Portishead
Saturday, January 04, 2003
Today is just another typical Saturday. The weather is grey and overcast but other than that everything is okay. I'm sitting here in my boyfriends bedroom and he's highly annoyed, but that's okay. He'll be fine in a little bit. It's just one of those lazy, throw on some comfy clothing, and schluff about days. I don't want to do anything that involves high stress. In fact the most stressfull thing I intend to do this weekend is work out. Other than that it's lazy days, which in all honesty are just what the boyfriend and I need. This New Years led to only one resolution. To get BIGGER. My goal is to try to gain at least 20 lbs by next year, which for someone who's matabolism is as high as mine is an admirable goal. I figure I need just a little more muscle to make my work at the gym show through. Keep looking for those updates I promised, they are on the way!
"It's just another day in the neighborhood, Just another day..........." from Just another day by Mary J Blige
Friday, January 03, 2003
Well everyone this is it. The new features that I'm going to be adding hopefully sometime next week are a personal pictures section, so that y'all can see my ugly mug and what my life looks like a little better. I'm also hoping to add another artist to my monthly artists very soon, in general I'm revamping some old stuff. I like keeping the design of my page fresh because it keeps things interesting and keeps me from getting rusty at html. So far I've had 5 different designs. My first two were created using the templates that Blogger gave me. Alas I inspired to make something that was completely my own. This my headache began as well as a lesson or two in html. This inspired the first homemade page which was Aqua and black, with stars. The second to follow shortly after was the more ambious Plaids for winter. Now this. Truthfully I hope everyone likes this new design but if they don't let me know because I DO have the plaid in storage on a disk and you never know. Anyways that's my html story. If anyone is wondering how I'm creating my page designs I work mosty with adobe photoshop to create the spaces and my banners and Microsoft Frontpage to do the layout and design. One last note ALL PICTURES that are used in the design elements as well as other things were self created (something I like to say with a little bit of pride.) If someone likes what they see let me know and I'd be happy to see if I can whip something up for you. "I know her, she used to follow everywhere we'd go and it's so sweet now she's sleeping with a boy I know" from Discotraxx by Ladytron
this page was inspired by Ladytron and their cd design not the white stripes. I hope to do a bunch of cool things, like replace the picture behind my title with other random photos that I like taken with my digital camera. Sorry if anyone is missing from my blog list. I'll add you back in as time allows. :) hope everyone likes my new page
just a quick note. I'm going to be changing my blog design around a bit. I'm planning on having some cool new features as well as some revamped old ones. Please let me know what you think of the new layout and don't hesitate to be brutal!
Thursday, January 02, 2003
I'm so tired that I can barely type. New Years was amazing. I went to club Exit with my boyfriend, my friends Eric, Chris, Brianna, and Daryl and stayed there from 11:00 pm until about 12:30 pm the next day. It was insane. During the beginning of the Night was the Paul Oakenfold party, this party was mostly a straight event and there were a lot of New York Chica's there with their Guido boyfriends. It wasn't too bad but I don't get the hype behind Paul Oakenfold. At about 4:00 am, Paul Oakenfold's set was done and straight people began leaving the party as the gay people started showing up from other engagements (Roxy, and private parties). My friend Daryl was amoung these people. Daryl had gone to Roxy and told me and my boyfriend the funniest story that I heard on that trip, it goes like this. "There's this area in the Roxy called that Catwalk and I was going through for curiousities sake at the prompting of a friend. Now this area is were the seedy happenings take place. As I'm walking though it I see this man and I can't help but tap him on the shoulder and say 'You know, pardon me for saying this but you look just like John Norris (from MTV)' and he responds 'Gee I wonder why.........' and slinks off in the darkness with dick on his breath". After we heard Daryls story the night took an interesting twist. All of a sudden out of no were Go Go boys start dancing on the speakers and the dance floor fills with hot shirtless gay men. Junior Vasquez starts spinning his set and the music is good. The dance floor just keeps filling up. Then Kevin Aviance gets ready to come out and perform. He's wearing this polyurithane jump suit with stilts that make him about 14 feet tall. Well somehow Junior doesn't put the right music on so that Kevin can perform, so Kevin is stuck doing a quick impromptu and slinks off the stage. Little did I know that my boyfriend is an aquantence of Kevins from back when he used to live in Washington D.C. So I ended up meeting Kevin Aviance. The rest of the night is kind of a blur of gay men, lights, techno music, a rush to the airport, and a pounding headache. Now I'm back here at my cubicle in Michigan praying that the day goes by quickly. Hope everyone else had a great New Year.
Thursday, December 26, 2002
"I'm on my second drink, but I've had a few before, I'm trying hard to think, and I think that I want you on the floor" from Take it Off by The Donnas
this is what my world looks like from 9:30 to 6:30, Monday through Friday. This is what my world is made of, and this is what decorates my world. So now you bloggers out there know what my work environment looks like. (P.S.) I DID get that digital camera for christmas if anyone is wondering why I'm suddenly so photogenic.
my new tattoo
Monday, December 23, 2002
Well this weekend was certainly eventfull. I got to go out on Friday Night with my boyfriend and a couple of friends of ours, We ended up staying up all night. So on saturday at 2:00 I roll into the tattoo parlor all bleary eyed and slightly nervous for what's about to take place. My boyfriend pays for my tattoo and I go back. I'm sitting in the chair trying to keep my mind of the impending pain. Now in answer to every person who has ever asked, yes getting a tattoo is painfull AT FIRST it takes your body a couple of minutes to get itself used to the pain of having an ink dipped needle repeatidly shoved in your arm. After a couple of minutes however you stop noticing the pain as much. By the time I was done with my armband my hand had gone completely numb. So after that I felt pretty darn good. I love my new tattoo it's beautiful. It's a very intricate celtic knot design. Just one quick note: I love you baby and want to say thank you SO much for getting me this tattoo for Christmas. Now Sunday is when the real fun began. I had to get up early and drive back to Detroit to go to my Aunt Mary's for a christmas party. Now I must first explain something about my fathers side of the family. My grandparents were traditional Irish Roman Catholics and this means that they didn't use contraceptives, which means that my father has 11 brothers and sisters. Now out of those eleven every one but my Uncle Tommy (who happens to be gay as well) has at least 2 children. Now here's where it gets really tricky the majority of my older cousins now have kids too and yes EVERYONE was at my Aunt Mary's. So I faced Sunday with little sleep and a little dread but it turned out fine. I just had to resort to plan B which was drink until I had a buzz once I did that everything went fine. Now it's Monday and I'm anticipating my best friend flying in from New York today for Christmas. I still have to get him something, I'm just not sure what he wants. Oh well I'll figure it out. One final side note: I still haven't done ANY of my holiday shopping.
note to all working with HTML in the blogger template screen blows worse than a drunk cheerleader at a frat party orgy
why oh why isn't this working? I'll never understand HTML
All I have to say is that I've gotten tremendous response about the Folsom Street Fair picture! It warms my little heart to know that you like me you REALLY like me. I think it's great. Keep your eyes peeled because I'm getting a digital camera this year for Christmas so I'm sure I'll add some photo's I was even thinking about doing a photo section at one point. Mind you that most of these photos will feature clothes but still (note I only said MOST).
I'm glad that today is Friday. I'm so happy to be going to see my boyfriend that you have no idea. You have no idea what it's like to scratch a five day itch. When I say this I mean that it's frustrating to be this far away from the man that you love. Think about it this way when you want physical affection hugs, kisses, and all the other good stuff in between you can't have it because you have to wait until Friday so by that time you're bursting at the seems for physical contact of any sort. I swear that when I see my boyfriend today I'm going to maul him much like a lion would it's prey. He's going to answer the door and I'm going to pounce on him. I can't wait. Also this is the weekend that I get my 2nd tattoo. My first was a little black star that's nestled right above the crack of my ass. I got it when I was 19. I love it and have not regretted getting it since. Although that tattoo seldom sees the light because it's kinda low down and I always wear a jock when I go to the bar so there are few that know that it exists. Well other than that if I don't get a chance to say it I hope that everyone has a great Christmas!!! I'm so excited because I get to meet the bf's parents and family. I'm kinda nervous but I know that they'll like me so I'm not scared.
"If you want to destroy my sweater pull this thread as I walk away, watch me unravel I'll soon be naked, lying on the floor I've come undone" from The Sweater Song by Weezer
Thursday, December 19, 2002
Last night was a strange one indeed. I had a strange cacophony of mixed dreams and woke up knowing that they were sexual in nature but unawaire of my partner or our actions. Then reality hit as I came into work and was immediately bombarded with more lost souls looking for a computer tech to guide them like a sheperd would a lamb to the promised land of understanding their computer (The reality is they usually get caught by the egyptians of their computer before they can cross the red sea to the land of computer milk and honey). My boss is complaining again that people aren't doing enough work. All my fellow coworkers are complaining that they do too much work (on that sentiment I whole heartidly agree) and life goes on. The only excitement in store for me is the prospect of spending another glorious weekend in Columbus, Ohio (Scott) with my wonderful boyfriend. He is the relief for my aches and pains of the week and I love him so for that. Also when yours truly gets back he will be freshly inked with a celtic knot design! For all of this I slave over a computer. Oh well it's all worth it in the end.
"The moon is out the stars invite I think I'll leave tonight" from Rocket by the Smashing Pumpkins
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
just a note. I love PJ Harver and was just thinking I need to rebuy the Album To Bring You My Love because it's one of the best crafted albums I've ever heard.
"Little fish big fish swimming in the water come back her and give me my daughter" from Down By the Water by PJ Harvey
So today is Wednesday and oh what a wednesday it is. My workload has been doubled at work. My boss doesn't feel that it's enough that I'm one of the top agents on my desk so he feels the need to give me more work. I love it! It pisses me off that other people in my office can sit around and be lazy but I'm expected to pick up their slack. Enough unhappy thoughts . Okay I'm better. So I talked to my best friend in New York who I'm going to visit for New Years last night. I was so happy that after days of frantically calling I was finally able to get a hold of him. So life is good. Other than that nothing new or exciting to report for today.
"Look around at the sound it's a hazy shade of winter" from Hazy Shade of Winter by the Bangles
Monday, December 16, 2002
here's a pic of your's truly that I found at the Folsom Street Fair website. I'll give you one hint. I'm not the one wearing the habit.....
So another Monday begins my week, and what a week it will be. This week I'm doing all of the following, tommorow I have a meeting with my boss, who I'm going to tell that I want to transfer to Columbus, Wednesday I have a doctors appointment, Thursday I'm going to see my best friend Jill, Friday I'm going to try to convince my boyfriend to take me out to the bar (although we probably shouldn't because we're trying to save money to go to New York), and Saturday , oh joyous Saturday, is when I'm getting my new tattoo (my awesome and wonderful boyfriend is getting it for me as a Christmas present). I'm so excited. I'm getting a celtic knotwork armband. I think it's going to look great and I promise to post pictures when it heals (no one wants to see if when it's all gross and scabby). With luck it will be healed by the time I head to New York for New Years! This is going to be the best couple of weeks ever!
